streams of consciousness
Outside of their comfort zone · 01/15

What did we get us into, kid? You can’t hear me, us, either of us. The US part is telling after all this time acting as one. The uncommon fools we can be but you won’t know the difference this early. Nearly all the jackoffs in this room and their fuckin' dirty kids. You’re different, he is right?

He’s not different Nathan. Babies and toddlers are what they are. Germ carriers set out to be guided by our skewed views of how this wasteland works. You’re ahead of the game most days. Don’t become the granola bred parent. I'll let this slide because socialization is important. Not only for Bellamy but for you. Normalcy doesn’t come easy being locked in 24/7 with opposing thoughts and ideas you cannot comprehend.

Oh fuck off. The lecturing can go now. I'm a step away from walking out if this chorus of chummy dad drones if this doesn’t simmer down. Simmer down, fuck. Now he's entertained by it.

He is a cute bag of flesh. Don’t drop him.

Jesus fuckin' christ, i'm not going to drop him. He’s clinging on to me for dear life. Next thing you know he's gonna wanna jump out of my arms and start touching everything. Won’t be shocked if he tries to walk this early. Everyone around this circle and their kids are giving me hives. Typical and not sure what to do other than suck it up. Difficulties going about it when you’re excessive drumming crosses right into mine. What else is that faint buzzing sound? It's acting as another layer of bullshit to cut through.

The wiring through the light fixtures overhead. Phones. The wireless Bluetooth speaker streaming the backing music everyone is singing to. It would be preferable if live music played instead of this drivel. How can you not detect additional sound?

Wow because I have enough of one part of my brain cracked the fuck wide open all thanks to you.

Shame you’re not used to it by now. It will only make you a better man. Sharper. Wiser than you appear to be. Smarter but we've had these tired conversations before. Don’t go wussing out on me now.

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. If you're...

Good. You’re doing it Nathan. Sing along now. Keep distracting our kid-

Shut thee entire fuck up! Technically he is mine, not yours. Remember this is my body, he came from my nut. I-

Sensitive much? Technicalities don’t aren’t relevant to the now. I’m with you at every waking moment. When you sleep or find the time to do enough of it as passing through. Relax. Fit in because focusing on the tiny minute details is going to raise your pressure than where it sets. Don’t ruin this for us. For him most of all. Don’t become what I once was.

Again. Shut. Thee. Entire. Fuck. Up. Isn’t standing here good enough? I get a lot on my own trying to make the very most of the day to day hiding behind a pane of glass so thin that it could shatter at any minute. Questioning my ability to adapt and the commitment made here? Do you honestly expect me to become the worst version you’ve so elegantly displayed while playing captain Kirk up there? Seriously, bro.

Nathan. I’ve adjusted enough for any involvement of mine, excluding being the devoted protector. Your distress is becoming more visible by the moment and like a pack of wolves, both the fathers and their kids in this room will approach to further sniff you out. You think our-…your son isn’t aware when you’re fidgeting like a fiend when out of any element not marred by manual labor?

Happy and you know it, stomp your feet...

Your’re going the ignore the voice of reason route I see. Good luck getting through the rest of this class without any of my help.

If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it. If you’re happy and you know it, stomp your feet! Grin and keep it going. For him. Screw Slade for a moment because getting through this matters more than aimless bickering. It is the least that can be done and it’s helping keeping the little guy from going into meltdown. Counted about three so far and four dads who are sweating bullets trying to tame their banshee ass kids. Jesus fuckin’ christ my ears. Always the ears first. Then the headache comes. Tenfold and near blinding when the pressure is on near the bridge of the nose. Migraines come and go but centralizing on his voice strangely rules out the pain. Until the crying begins but he’s been good so far. What does that mean? That this is going to be routine? For us? Along with patches..err whatever the fuck. You know who. I don’t know who really takes any of this seriously but it isn’t for the bonding occasion. Think of it as surveying. Finding everything that could be found about each and everyone of these sobs, including their reasoning for coming to the class to begin with. Recon in a sense so that Bellamy can pick up on it early on. Might save him some troubles along the way, including any playground beefs. Though it has been thought about sometimes, don’t see him as the hunter so to speak. Destined for something way less soul crushing or erasing it completely. If you’re happy and you know it, shout ‘hooray!’ If you’re happy and you know it, shout “Hooray!” Can they move on to the next song already? Give it another half an hour and we’re getting out of here. I can’t take anymore. UGH.